Photo by Jorge Gardner on Unsplash

A song caught me on my way to work yesterday.

“traveling north, traveling north to find you.”

“train wheels beating the wind in my eyes”

I shook off my shoulders in the train and replayed it from the beginning even if it still was in the middle of the song.

“Traveling north, traveling north to find you.”

“train wheels beating the wind in my eyes”

“don’t even know what I’ll see when I find you.”

this song, which I have listened hundred times before, was calling my name from an absolutely different time, space and perspective.

It was supposed to…


Photo by Farida Davletshina on Unsplash

“Your son is so cute!” said the stranger on the train. J was thrilled that despite his long hair and the mask he has to wear, a stranger knew he was a boy.

“Yes, he is,” I said, “but, I am just babysitting.”

I am at an age that it is normal to have a 5-year-old. It is a mother’s age. I am at an age when my mom was pregnant with me. When most of the women in my family had their second, or maybe third kids.

“But I still can’t find the other pair of my socks.” I…


Understanding yourself is the closest you can feel to your ancestors.

Photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash

As soon as I was born

I started walking at the same time

Two doored inns

I am going day and night

These lyrics that used to fall from my grandmother’s mouth when I was a little kid, captured me one day. I was feeling really homesick, but I wasn’t able to comprehend that the feeling of being “inaccessible” meant homesickness until I heard these lyrics so many years later. I had an urgent feeling to understand my grandmother, who currently has Alzheimer’s disease and is bedridden.

My grandmother’s Alzheimer’s symptoms started slowly when she was 65 years old. I…


Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy on Unsplash

I had a dream last night. I was 17 in my 25 year old body.

I got off the school bus, listening to radiohead.

You float like a feather, in a beautiful world.

Still best ever written lyrics.

I walked through the school door with a few friends who looked 17. I have always had the shortest skirt which caused me to be picked on by the principle every day. This is Turkey, btw. A woman was murdered and burnt in that country yesterday.

I was childishly in love with my high school love who always wanted me to become…


“I don’t want us to be each other’s unresolved trauma.”

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. — Carl G. Jung

Photo by Vruyr Martirosyan on Unsplash

“I don’t want us to be each other’s unresolved trauma.” I told to my boyfriend, after one of our biggest fights.

Relationships can be the best place for trauma projection, and I didn’t know how to deal with all of this.

Because I have been an Artemis, all my life. Fighting alone. Hunting alone.

Now, I had to be an Aphrodite and embrace partnership.

Making peace rather than war? Creating a life with a man…


Photo by Larm Rmah on Unsplash

It’s 7 in the morning. You are on your way to work, waiting for the bus. There’s something awkward that you can’t describe about the bus station this morning, but you don’t care.

A few minutes, lives or seconds later you suddenly realize that…

You are stark naked.

This is one of the most common dreams everyone has dreamed at least once in their lifetime. Locations and surroundings might be different, but the main theme is the same.

Shame.

When was the last time you wanted to sink into the ground and disappear? We all sometimes tend to see ourselves…

İpeksu Durmaz

I write and talk a lot about astrology, philosophy, analytical psychology. ipeksudurmaz.com

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